Sideline Comments
by little ray of light
Summary: Sam find something unexpected in Deans Duffel Bag and oh is he going to enjoy laughing about it. Something noone knew about Dean.
1. Chapter 1

Dean came out of the dingy motel bathroom to find his brother rolling on his bed in a fit of laughter. It had been a long time since Sam had laughed like that and part of Deans mind was just grateful he was in such good spirits. This positive spin did not last long however once Dean spotted the source of his brothers amusement.

"What the hell dude? …..haven't you ever seen a book before?"

Dean was ready to spit fire. What the hell had Sam been doing in Deans bag in the first place? Sam looked up at his brother with the same stupid grin on his face.

"So tell me Dean, is this a prop for landing smarter chicks? Do you need a little extra charm with girls who know how to read?"

"Shut up man. I have plenty of charm all on my own. Anyway that particular book…..just give it back geek boy."

Dean attempted to control the urge to grab the text back and ring his brother neck. He didn't want to go through why he wanted it back so badly or why he had dragged it across countless state lines. So in typical Dean fashion he pretended he didn't care and it meant nothing to him.

Sam looked at the book he still had in his hand turning it over and around in his hands. It was a classic and would no doubt impress several college women, what's more it looked well worn like it had been read and reread several times. Well he had to give Dean credit for authenticity and believability. The man didn't do things half assed.

"I give you full points for the pre-loved look of it. If I didn't know you I would believe you had actually read it."

"Of course you know everything don't you geek boy?"

"No I just grew up with you. You don't generally read anything that doesn't relate to a hunt or come with pictures and you definitely don't read 'Jane Eyre'!"

Sam began to gently laugh once again until he caught a flash of hurt mixed in with the annoyance on his older brothers face. The emotion was gone almost before it could register but Sam reeled in his humor wondering if maybe he had gone too far.

"Whatever. It just a dumb book"

Sam heard the laid back, I could care less tone but he had his suspicions that he had stumbled onto something he wasn't supposed to find. Something Dean actually cared quite a bit about.

These suspicions were confirmed when he tosses the book back to his brother and Deans shoulders relaxed slightly and his jaw unclenched. Sam smirked to himself. It was the kind of evil smile which can only be achieved by a younger sibling who has just found a little dirt on an older brother or sister. _O.K Dean, you win round one but don't think we aren't going to talk about this. _

Dean was more than a little ticked off as he put the book safely back into his duffel bag. He chose to believe that the topic was closed now for good but twenty three years of being around Sam Winchester told him he was dreaming. _Oh well, at least he didn't read it. Maybe he'll forget about it once we hit the road…………Oh man! I hate it when he smirks like that!!!!!_

… …… … …… … …

t.b.c : let me know if you want the scoop on Dean's book.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been one week, two motels and three 'salt and burns' since the incident in the motel. With the exception of a couple of Bronte' sister references which Dean pretended he didn't understand Sam had made no further inquiries as to why Dean had a copy of 'Jane Eyre' stashed in his duffel bag. For his part Dean had made every effort no never leave Sam and his stuff alone for any longer than necessary while trying to do so discreetly.

They were currently in their second hour of a ten-hour road trip and as he drove Dean could almost hear the wheels in Sam's mind turning. This was never a good sign.

"Hey Dean?"

"What Sammy?"

"It's Sam"

"For crying out loud, are we going to do this for the rest of our lives?"

"Only if you insist on being an ass."

"Oh. Well that's ok then."

"I'm board."

"Oh no, what ever will we do?……….Shut you cake hole and look out the window, think deep college thoughts about your nomadic existence and if I have any luck you'll drift off to sleep."

"Do you even know what 'nomadic' means?"

"Great Sammy, that's the part of the statement to pay attention to! Of course I know what it means. Nomad, person without a fixed address or home, someone who wanders from place to place throughout their life."

"Where did you learn that?"

"Shut up."

"Fine! I'll just read a book."

"Whatever keeps you quite geek boy."

Sam sat still for a moment then turned as much as his seat would allow and reached for something in the back seat. When Dean glanced in the mirror he noticed that the bag Sam was reaching for actually belonged to Dean.

"What the hell dude? Leave my stuff alone. What are you twelve again? The stuff in MY bag belongs to ME. The stuff in the YOUR bag is for you!!!"

"Calm down man. I just wanted a book."

"For the last time, your books are in your bag. For a college man you are one dumb ass kid!"

Dean had wondered how long it would take but somehow he didn't think it would start over a reasonable request for reading material. The problem was he couldn't let Sam borrow that particular copy to read because that would lead to questions he had no interest in answering and inevitable would end up with Sam trying to have some kind of hug fest or pity party.

"Dean, I've finished the book from the motel so I left it behind for someone else. I am out of reading material so I figured I would read the book in your bag. I figured someone should"

Sam smirked slightly to himself. He knew he shouldn't tease his brother about reading, he didn't want to discourage him from anything that could be educational but old habits die hard and he still had trouble with the thought of Dean of all people reading a classic Victorian novel that had been studied for countless decades in countless classrooms and discussed by academics since its release.

"Look smart ass, I have read the bloody book. It's a fantastic bloody story with progressive literary technique, an evocative commentary on Victorian society and even skims the surface of the supernatural at times. It's a good story, she is a great writer now shut the hell up and stop messing with my stuff!"

Sam was more that a little taken aback. Why the hell was Dean getting so worked up? It was clear that there was something more to that book than just the fact it was a book about the life journey of an orphan girl who struggles with life, love, passion, religion and finding her place in the world. That on its own would have made it the last book Sam would have expected to find in Deans possession but it didn't explain why Dean didn't want Sam to read it.

"It is a great book. I figured you would pass it over calling it a chick book and I find it hard to believe you liked it enough to read it all the way through let alone more than once but I don't see why I can't borrow it to read."

"Yes, I would call it chick book. Yes, I liked it. Yes I have bloody well read the damn thing more than once. You have read it at least twice your self so you don't need my copy to re read it a third time."

"Wait. How would you know if I read it twice."

"Once in high school for you your English paper and then again for the Feminist Literature class Jess talked you into."

Dean glanced quickly at his little brother. Jess was no longer a forbidden topic but Dean tried to avoid bringing her up especially when he was angry with Sam but thankfully Sam was too shocked at the idea that Dean would even know what classes he had taken at Stanford to feel the pangs of memories of his lost love.

"How did you? ….. When did? …..When?"

"I've told you before just because we didn't talk doesn't mean I stopped checking up on you all together."

"Oh…Hey! Don't try distracting me and changing the subject. I still don't see why I can't just borrow it. Clearly there is some weird bond or whatever between you and the book. Fine. I promise I want leave it behind or mess with it in any way. I won't even take it out of the car alright?"

"You can't ever reach it so it's a non issue. It's in my bag with the rest of my stuff so you would have to pull everything out and then you would just mess stuff up and even if that weren't true I would still say shut up, stop whining and quit bugging me."

The next hour and a half consisted of Sam alternately pouting and glaring at his brother while Dean tried to figure out what he would do when they pulled over for lunch because there was no way Sam would be put off once they were stopped and Dean ran out of excuses.

As predicted once they had gotten lunch and gas and headed back towards the Impala Sam stood by the rear passenger door with a look of determination.

"So, we are stopped, you can get the book out of your own bag and I wont mess up anything. Now can I borrow the book?"

"Look, here's ten dollars, go but a book you haven't read. It will be more entertaining for you."

It was a reasonable suggestion with only one flaw. Sam was now in annoying little brother mode and he no longer wanted a book to read. He wanted to know why Dean wouldn't let him read _his_ book. What was so special about that particular copy? Sam decided it he HAD to know.

"I'm in the mood for Charlotte Bronte' so just let me borrow your book and we'll save ten bucks."

_Shit!_ Why couldn't things ever play out the easy way? Dean had anticipated this however. He had hoped to put the matter to rest because the more he refused the more curios Sam became but Dean figured privacy was worth one last shot.

"Fine. You are such a baby. Here."

Dean handed Sam a copy he had found in the second hand store across from the diner. Sam had no recourse now. He had a copy of his own.

"Dean? Did you just buy this?"

"Yeah. Now you have one of your own. You can't possibly complain Sammy, that would mean that you only want to borrow my copy because I don't want to lend it to you."

Sam looked positively murderous at being out maneuvered. Dean realized this was only a temporary victory, this was Sammy after all, but still it was nice to win occasionally.

t.b.c : review and share the love!


	3. Chapter 3

Sam sat in yet another sad and sorry hotel room, tired, bored and though he would never admit it to his brother, pouting. It had been almost three weeks since Dean had outmaneuvered his attempts to get a look at the now very mysterious novel. Sam had read the copy Dean had bought for him, how could he not? But since then he hadn't had a chance to even sneak a look.

Sam sat on his bed on his side of the room and shifted his gaze between the closed bathroom door and Dean's duffel bag. He knew he shouldn't, he was twenty three for crying out loud! Dean had a right to privacy, but the bottom line was Sam was his little brother and that gave him the right to be nosey and a brat every so often. Anyway, as long as he put the book back before Dean came out of the bathroom he would never even know. It was win win.

Sam waited till he could hear the sound of the shower going full blast. The place they were in tonight was one of the nicer ones they had seen in a couple of weeks which meant that unless Sam was actually attacked by some rabid monster Dean wasn't coming out for a long, long time. This was his chance and he was beyond curious.

Sam gave one last quick glance at the bathroom door, opened up his brothers bag and pulled out the well worn and much discussed copy of 'Jane Eyre'. Quickly flicking through the pages Sam noticed that it was indeed what it professed to be. He had half expected it to be some cheap thrilled hidden in a 'Jane Eyre' dust jacket. The second thing he noticed was that there were several little notes all over every page. There were underlined quotes and marked paragraphs and there were notes in the margins written in a distinctly feminine script.

_What the…._

Dean stood under the strong, hot spray of the first decent shower he'd had in two weeks. He closed his eyes and felt the tension of a long week washing away. Dean Winchester was a lot of things but stupid was not one of them. He heard the faint sound of bedsprings shifting and knew without a doubt that Sam was about three seconds away from finally figuring out why Dean had been so protective of that blasted book.

Dean knew he had no hope of holding Sam at bay forever. It had actually worked better and for longer than he had originally thought but Sam had been getting really antsy lately and if nothing else at least Dean could control how it went down. See the beauty of Sam snooping was that he couldn't ask questions or tease him for being such a sentimental sap without exposing the fact that he had deliberately gone against Deans wishes and invaded his privacy. At least this way they could avoid the uncomfortable chick flick moment.

Sam flicked back to the front of the text. On the inside cover was an inscription, in soft and flowing script.

D, This is the sweetest, sappiest thing I have ever done. I can't believe you suggested it but I'm glad you did. Don't worry tough guy, I won't tell anyone. Well here you go, this is the story that changed how I looked at the world around me and in a twisted way it sort of reminded me of you. So enjoy, Love your Jane. 

Sam knew he didn't have time to read all the notes, some of them appeared to be all about the story, what the person thought of an event of a theme, others were like little personal comments about something that had happened in real life that paralleled the story and then there were private messages.

Page 100 said

The way I feel when you smile at me, I don't even have words to describe how you make me feel.

Page 25 said

_I've never met someone that challenges me like you do._

Page 230 said

_If I could make a wish for you, I would wish that you could see yourself the way I see you._

But the message that really hit Sam was hidden on page 187 between a comment about the writing style and a note on a day that the note writer had spent sitting in a park with the person she had written her notes to. It simply said

_I Love You Dean Winchester._

And all at once Sam realized both who the mystery writer must have been and exactly why Dean had worked so hard not to let him read it. Feeling a strange mix of sorrow for his brother and guilt over having read something so private and personal Sam was struck with a growing sense of amazement at the hidden depths of his outwardly womanizing and overly confident brother. Every time he thought he had Dean figured out something came along and changed all the rules.

Dean thought back to the day Cassie had exchanged books with him. They had agreed that they would each get a copy of one of their favorite novels and write each other notes to explain why they thought the book was so wonderful. It had been a sappy idea and Dean would deny it till his dying day but after loosing so many people along the way life got lonely. Every friend he had ever made usually disappeared before long in the rear view mirror and this time, no matter where he went, there would always be a part of him left behind, someone might remember to miss him from time to time. He had foolishly hoped that maybe Cassie would be the one person he wouldn't have to leave, the one person who wouldn't leave him. What a fool!

He had read the book and all her comments in record time, he had even gone through and underlined his favorite quotes so he could sit down and talk to her about it. It was a nice feeling, having something that they could share, and hidden inside, scattered on random pages were messages of deep emotion and deep affection. It had prompted him to be brave, to trust her with his heart and with his best kept secret. Yet another stupid mistake.

Dean held his breath and turned his face up into the warm spray of the shower in an effort to stop his mind traveling back to the look in her eyes and the things she had said that had meant the end of his first and only real reach for an almost 'normal' life of his own. Dean mentally shook himself to clear his head. Even though things hadn't worked out the way he planned that tattered little book was a reminder that someone out there would remember him, someone had cared, even if it was only for a little while. So every now and again he would pull out that little book and read it cover to cover and in his mind he would have a conversation with the woman he pretended he didn't miss and think about the girl he pretended he hadn't loved.


	4. Chapter 4

As she threw an old pair of sunglasses and a few magazines into a cardboard box for the rummage sale Cassie turned to the bookcase and ran her fingers along one shelf. She always had a habit of hanging onto books she never intended to read so she figured now was as good a time as any to weed down her library. As she flicked past a copy of 'Pride and Prejudice' and 'Oliver Twist' her eyes stopped on a book she had meant to throw away so many times before. After all it was a great story but the book itself was sort of childish.

Cassie couldn't help but smile at the memory of him fidgeting and avoiding catching her eye. She had been absolutely floored when he of all people had suggested doing something so sweet and romantic. She had honestly expected he would choose a book like 'Silence of the lambs' and out of nowhere he comes in with the story of a lonely, sad little boy, a child warrior and a world in desperate need of a hero. Who would have thought that Dean Winchester would choose "The Never-ending Story" as the book that changed him and explained him.

Had she known then what she knew now it would have been easier to see why it appealed to him so deeply. After all he _was_ Atreyu the boy warrior, trying desperately to save a world being swallowed by 'the nothing' and the forces of evil. Dean had lost people he loved to his own 'swamp of sadness' and had risked everything he ever had, or might have had, to save 'Fantasia'. She even suspected that, mixed with the brave Atreyu, there was a fair amount of Bastian, the misunderstood, motherless child who believed he was nothing special on his own.

She was ready to give it back to him when he left the first time. She had planned to throw it in his face and tell him she never wanted to hear his name again, except when she had seen him he looked so much smaller than she remembered and she wondered if he could take that final rejection. She had meant to throw it away after he was gone but there was so much of his personality in the little sideline comments he wrote to her. Even now after seeing him again, meeting his brother, seeing some of what they saw, if anything she loved the book more. It was a more honest glimpse of how he saw himself than she had ever guessed.

Cassie looked at the book she had read almost fifteen times since Dean had first given it to her and realized that she would probable own it till the day she died because she had rejected a lot of what Dean Winchester had been offering way back then but this was one small part of the boy she could never give up.

Dean couldn't remember the first time he had heard the story of Bastian and Atreyu.

Actually he could. He was eight years old, Dad had taken them to some yard sale to look for cheap silver and there had been a box full of junk in the corner, The woman had told him to pick something out. The picture on the cover of the book looked so exciting and so happy Dean was sure that it would be something he could read more than once and then when Sam was bigger he could let him have it. He had been so excited when he got it home Dad had actually sat down with him and started to read it out loud to him. That alone had made it worth it. Dean had been sure that there was some sort of magic in it. John had skimmed over the part about the mother having died, Dean knew but he didn't say anything. Then he had gotten lost in the magical world of Fantasia.

Dean tried to suppress a smile as he thought about how he had asked his father if fighting demons was like fighting to save Fantasia. He glanced at his brother riding shotgun as usual. The metaphor really was a good one, Dean made a good Atreyu, he was a good soldier and Sam was a ringer for the daydreaming, book loving Bastian. Dean helped Sam believe he could be strong and brave and Sam was destined to be the one to save the world.

Dean still carried his copy tucked away in his possessions; he must have read the thing fifty times. He wasn't often given to fits of deep analysis of why he carried around a children's fantasy story but it gave him hope and hope was not something the eldest Winchester was known for.

Dean looked over again at a now sleeping Sammy and couldn't help but smile. Sammy was a pain in the ass but he gave him a reason to keep moving forward because they were sharing their story. They were in it together and that made all the difference.

After all, every story should end with hope.


End file.
